so...
i think.. i think i know..
but i really cant describe to you how little there is.
i think i am loved.
i think i am above.
i sit here, drinking my water and ice.
tomorrow will come.
same as ever.
i will wake up alone.
and when i awake i will look.
try and feel..
try and move on to a better idea.
but i will tell you now that all i will remember,
is that lingering idea that i was once good.
good enough.
the one enough.
these walls watch me,
and i watch them back.
they are so un-entertaining.
i need the entertainment.
yet again i can just pretend i am good enough to have some kind of,
enjoyment,
love,
satisfaction.
or i can just sit here and cry.
try and remember when i was capable.
good enough.
or perfect.
but for now,
i will drink my water and ice.
and try and remember.
you arent worth my time.
my pillow has given more.

frustrated.

this past week has been a little frustrating for me. Chris said some stuff that really just got to me. he is at least making an effort to make up for that tho. i appreciate that.. yesterday was probably the best day i have had in a really long time. steve and i went and rode all day. followed that up with an awesome sushi dinner and some male strippers! haha. steve is amazing. he listens and he gives the best advice. if you are lucky you will get a guy like steve.. sooo.. going back to me being frustrated. i have a hard time with my confidence and not needing constant reassurance from people. its hard for me to be stoked on myself with out having someone stoking me up. that is how i am. and how i will always be i am afraid. so when someone tells me that they can only do certain things with me to stay attracted to me.. that makes me think way too much. i dont ever want to feel inferior to the person i am dating. i want a man who will tell me i am beautiful first thing in the morning before i get ready. a man who will make me dinner every once in a while. a man who will show up at my house with cough drops when i am not feeling well. and a man who isnt afraid to let people know how much he cares. haha. i sound so ridiculous. i am not hard to please. i am pretty easy going. i just want someone who knows that i always have his back and who shows me the same..

shreddin..

i love to snowboard.
season 3 is underway.
i am not very good.
but that is not really the point.
the point is, i have made tonnns of new friends.
i always have a blast.
and i learn new things everyday.
its pretty much thanks to snowboarding that i have the best friends
anyone could ever ask for.

i love to ride.
lets go!

<3